By popular request, here is a list of some fan email of late. Many people love this little feature of my blog and a few people don’t. But this will be the last time I re-publish some snippets of email notes from fans so enjoy or rant away. I must admit that I received literally thousands of emails and for some reason, these nuggets stood out for me over the last two weeks. 
“Have you considered sending a couple of dozen boxes of donuts up to the league offices in Toronto?”
“I saw a For Sale sign on Alex’s home in Arlington. Is the rumor true that he is moving back to Russia to play there? You must re-re-sign him!”
“Here is what you need to do this off season: We need a new goalie; two to three new wings; two new D men in free agency; and another tough guy. You must re-sign Fedorov and I still don’t understand why Peter Bondra can’t come back and play on the power play.”
“You guys don’t know what you are doing in the draft. Why didn’t you take Sam Gagner? He is a player. And you got what, Karl Alzner? What has he done professionally? You should fire George McPhee and Ross Mahoney. Another wasted draft pick. You guys make me sick!”
“Have you considered making Olie a coach and a back-up goaltender? Bill Russell of the old Celtics did something like this - a player/coach position. I bet Olie could do it. I don’t think Bruce is a good solution long term for a coach at the NHL level. I do believe that Olie should be given a chance to coach the team so if he could get behind the bench when he isn’t playing in goal, that would make a smooth transition for him and the Caps. I know Olie would jump at this opportunity. Would you please ask him and then email me with an update on what he says about this idea?”
“Why can’t our ice be as good as the ice in Montreal or Ottawa?”
“My son played at the collegiate level and graduated two years ago. After watching your team’s play in the playoffs, I know if he played for the Caps, you would be going to the next round. Here is a DVD of his scrimmage and some game footage. Think Mike Gartner, Peter Bondra and Alex Ovechkin all rolled into one player but my son is a better skater. Please make your scouts aware of his skills ASAP as my family is shocked and disappointed that he hasn’t been invited to any of your training camps.”
“Admit it, you are cheap. You won’t be able to re-sign both Huet and Olie and Mike Green and Sergei Fedorov and bring in three or four quality free agents because you are cheap and you won’t go over the salary cap. Great owners like Mark Cuban don’t care about the cap. They just do what is necessary to win and you won’t. Sell the team to someone who cares!”
“I am really upset with you and the NHL. When the Caps introduced their new logo last off-season, I was the first one to buy a jersey. I bought a white one and then we had Red Outs during the playoffs. I felt ostracized at the games. I feel you did this in a conspiracy to sell two jerseys to all fans. I would like to return my white jersey and have you give me a red jersey in exchange. It is only fair.”
“What happens with the melted ice water? Have you considered putting it into bottles and then selling it to fans? I would be the first in line to buy some.”
Oh yeah Ted, I’ve been meaning to ask… any word on the ketchup packets/squirt bottle resolution?
Alzner is a PIMP!
These are amazing Ted.. really is funny just how out of touch some people are.
Ted,
I recently started playing hockey on XBOX360. I know that if I was playing for your team you guys would have made it to the next round. I am saddened that no scouts have come to my house to watch me.
It’s a shame these are the last ones… these caused me to spit water from my mouth some of them were so funny. Can I answer some?
1) Instead of sending donuts to Toronto, how about getting some good donuts here to DC. There aren’t any Tim Horton’s here in the DC are, and there are in Toronto, so Toronto should be sending us donuts!
2) Yeah Ted, make sure that Alex is resigned to an extension as who knows what he’ll be doing after the 2020-2021 season! We can’t lose him to Free Agency in 2021! Sign him!
3) Ted, can you invest in a Time machine, go back 10 years and pull Sergei Fedorov and Peter Bondra to this year from 1998? Then they *both* could play on the power play!
4) Sam Gagner is a good player…Alzner, once he starts his pro career, will be something special.
5) Well, if there were NBA teams in Montreal or Ottawa, their ice wouldn’t be as good. Or if the climate of Washington, DC was the same as Montreal or Ottawa. Personally, I like it that days in January where the temperature outside is below zero are a rarity rather than the norm….
6) Solution to the red/white issue: Rit Dye.
7) Actually, some teams have sold the water that was melted from the rink after they’ve won the Stanley Cup…that or they’re bottling tap water…
See you in September Ted… looking forward to 2008-09!
LOL
this is the best and worst thing ever, at the same time!
These are classic! Keep posting them. I can’t believe people actually sent these. Love the one about the college kid being a version of Gartner, Bondra and Ovie rolled into one but this kid’s a better skater….How did 30 teams miss this?
Ted,
Just between me and you….
Can you beleive I was voted one of the most annoying posters on the board? What do long haired Elvis loving hippies know! LOL!
Anyhoo…If this is the last time for these maybe you can just share the emails requesting Bondra back.
I wish you’d reconsider, there are always a couple of these like the Alex’s house is for sale and the Rink Water one that bring me to tears. Thanks for a great season and a great team. From November on I loved it all from the Hot Dog Night to the great brand of hockey and style of play that Coach Boudreau has brought to the Capitals. Like so many others I can’t wait for next season. LETS GO CAPS!!!!
Would it even be legal to re-re-sign AO? HA! Why won’t you keep publishing these–as long as you don’t attribute them to the idiots who wrote them, no harm, no foul. Or, if you were Don Kohorski, foul, foul, foul and still no harm.
Maybe the suggestion that you send a box of donuts to the league office in Toronto ain’t such a bad idea – we might get the benefit of the doubt on video replay.
Great stuff! wow
“I saw a For Sale sign on Alex’s home in Arlington. Is the rumor true that he is moving back to Russia to play there? You must re-re-sign him!”
TIME WARP!
LOL!! I really hope thats not the last time you post email snippets… they are so ‘entertaining’ to read!! Gotta love it. lol
Btw, Make sure you spend MORE then the salary cap allows!! (I think that one was my favorite.. lol). Geez… you gotta laugh.
hehehe did these come from Penguins fans?
Ted,
I’m not one to usually complain, but I will be very upset if you stop publishing these. This kind of humor can’t be bought, it just has to happen!!!
By the way, WHO would want to drink rink water? (feel free to use that in the marketing)
Joe
Tell the dolt talking about Ovie moving back to Russia that it’s his neighbor’s house that’s for sale.
Please! Please! Don’t stop publishing these e-mails. They literally make my day. In fact, you should compile them all into a book. I’d buy one. In fact, I’d buy several and give them away as presents.
Hi Ted,
This is hysterical. Not only are you he best owner in sports but I saw the image of your face when the overtime goal was scored. You were as heartbroken as the rest of us. You did what was necessary with the rebuild (which is never popular)and you have now given us a team that will be competitive for years. I thank you for your support and leadership in making OUR team fun and exciting. I can’t wait until nexseason.
Best Regards,
Dave Inkeles
One wonders what desert islands some of these people are on…(and DON’T make this the last time you do this – these are priceless!)